I'm sorry I'm posting so often.
:(
I sent Lee those pics of me in my "fugly" post.
he sent me naked ones.
I thought I could cope with just sex. I thought I was just accepting that no one will ever love me but to just use me for sex.
But I dunno if I can do it.
We argued last night coz on Tuesday of all days he said that I should find someone else who can be nice and be there for me coz he's going on his course for 19 weeks. He rejected me.
Just today he said I could go to his base.
I said no coz I am so poor atm then he was like I'll lend you the money.
I thought wow this is an all time low prostituting myself now.
Then he said he doesn't wanna use a condom.
No way.
I'm not getting pregnant neither am I exposing myself.
I just feel so low and used. My sister said I was stupid.
I just want someone to lie with, hold me and kiss me like they don't want to kiss anyone else.
I'm just sex aren't I?
He wants to come after parade tomorrow.
Jamie was a mistake.
I don't want Lee to be too.
I know that after we have sex he wont talk to me.
He will have got what he wanted. Just like Jamie. Fuck me and leave me. But I just feel drawn to him maybe coz I am so so lonely I just want company or that I feel so low that I don't care what happens to me any more.
I'm just torn.
Lee was my lover a guy I used to get butterflies every time I saw him at work he is so so gorgeous and yet his personality is just..nothing.
I've no idea what to do..
Torn.
ER
xx
It's horrible that you feel this way lovey :(
ReplyDeleteSending you love and hugs xox
thank you sending you love and hugs as well
Deletethank you for commenting
xx
If you feel like it's not a good idea, don't do it hun :/ I don't want you to get hurt<3
ReplyDeletethank you
Deletei will get hurt either way i think
:(
i hate life
love you
xx
I understand this and struggle with it as well. If a guy is not going to treat you like a human being and use you they don't deserve your time. Try not to give in it is so demeaning to our self-respect.
ReplyDeleteI truly care for you. xx
ok thank you for this
Deletei talked to my sister about it and she said the word respect too
i think i need more self respect and him to give me some
thank you honey
do u live in england?
do u have bbm?
much love
xx
Sorry, no to both questions :/
Deletexx
My email is on my blog
I'm so sorry sweetie. I wish you didn't feel that way. Guys can be like that, sex and then nothing. Its a heartless thing they do and whats worse is they dont think its suppose to affect you.
ReplyDeletePlease dont do it. Get rid of this guy, and dont be afraid of missing out on love with him. Because if he really wanted you he would try to win you back the right way.
I think I understand how you feel. The aching loneliness that you just want to do anything to fill. But this wont help. <3
Hang in there
thank you
Deletei think u no how i feel too coz i know your right
it wont help
he doesnt treat me with respect or anything
the only adjective he's used to describe me was 'nice' :(
you've helped so thank you for commenting
much love
xx
:( conflicting emotions are so unbelievably hard to deal with. We can tell you not to do it until we are blue in the face, but in the end the only one who can make the decision is you.
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be to think about what it will be like after you do it. You may feel close to someone for a little while... but how will you react if he leaves? What will it feel like and how is it going to damage you further? Are those unbelievably painful feelings you are going to feel, worth that little bit of time of closeness?
Either way... we love you xx
and i love you all too!!!
Deleteyeh its guna be unbelieveably painful to have sex with him and to see him leave and act like i mean nothing to him then
i can see it now..
thank you for the support its really helped!
much love
xx
Hey there...
ReplyDeleteWe get worried when we don't hear from you. So don't ever apologize for posting again.
About Lee.. I really don't know, but if you think that you can't deal with just sex, then don't do it.
If you really care about him, think what will happen after it? And if you're ready for the worst case scenario and you are 100% sure you can handle it... then do it.
And just for the record. No condom is a no-no in my book.
Lots of love, petal <3
i dont think i can so your right its a no-no either way
Deletei cant deal with just sex its never just sex for me
and ive lead him on to believe i could handle it but i really cant
its my fault :(
much love
xxxx
Hey dear, if you are feeling torn then maybe it is best you don't do it? Of course it's a decision only you can make, but if you are unsure then maybe it is because you are feeling pressured?
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you choose, you aren't just sex, you are a human being.
Look after youself hun <3
Alice xx
i didn't have sex with him
Deletethank god
thanks for commenting
xx