I don't know what to say.
I just know I need to post.
...
I've gained binged. What is new I'm a fat bitch.
...
I didn't think I was suicidal any more guess what I lied.
...
I think everything is going ok them Bam you bring me down to earth and remind me where I came from. The yellow. The disgusting yellow. the smog. the wallpaper. the yellow stained faces.
have you ever felt your trying to reach the apple of temptation and somewhere out of nowhere comes a claw and its pulling and pulling u back into the yellow.
It suffocates, it drowns all the life outta me. Nostalgia is like an ocean. I drown in the bubbles of yellow. the pockets of air are false. there is not air in the yellow...remember?
I don't wanna go back there. Never. Ever.It's beginning to get to me.
I never thought I'd be like this neither did I think I'd be happy.
I can remember me sitting on the bus once with my sister n I said I want to be rich so I can prove that you can come from nothing and be successful. Her response was just that's been done before.
I am anorexic I am a borderline I am a depression sufferer. You can't achieve anything with 3 death sentences right?
Its easy to give in. Not have a job. Not give a shit. sleep to forget the pain.
I'm not lucky to be here. I am so unlucky I'm living in this living hell. In this yellow.Ii don't believe in anything any more.
you left and you don't ask any more so why should I bother?
I'm alone.
All alone.
please just let me go...
Hey beautiful Englishrose...
ReplyDeletesounds like things are really tough for you sweetie :( I wonder.. why does living have to suck out all the life and hope that we have??? It's a complicated existence. That's what I call it these days. I'm not living, I'm barely existing.
Not sure what haunts you in your past dear, but I know the feeling. I can't move forward, but at the same time I can't deal with what's behind either. It things get to much dear or you even want someone to chat to email me at jessgardiner@live.com.au.
Keep choosing to fight... remember together xx
I love you dear, you are not alone! I hope you are okay, if not you can contact me any time.
ReplyDeleteAll my love to you xx
Sending you love and a hug x
ReplyDeleteI am here love, you're not alone! I'm always here for you sister <3
ReplyDeleteBaby, i know things are so very hard right now, but please, please don't return to that dark place...suicide can't be an option anymore, only success can :) You know i'll be with you, through it all, don't let them win! You're stronger than they are xxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteHey, I hope you're ok. You aren't alone and you can get through this. It's not true that you can't achieve anything, you can achieve anything you want, you can do this. Please take care <3
ReplyDeleteAlice xx