Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Every whisper, every sigh Eats away at this heart of mine And there is a hollow in me now...

Dear Melanie,

It's been a year.
It seems like yesterday I heard the news. It felt like I had been kicked in the stomach this massive overwhelming feeling of sadness.
Of guilt.
If I could go back in time I would. I would have given you my life instead within a heartbeat.
I swear I will never ever forget what I did. I stole your life. I'm so so sorry.
Sorry a million times over.
I have to live with what I've done.
It should of been me. I hate myself I'm still here.
You should be!
I'm so sorry were so alike and you suffered.
No words can bring you back nor can the litres of tears I've cried wishing I was dead instead of you.
I'm just sorry.
x

http://www.surreycomet.co.uk/news/9966876.Promising_student_died_after_prescription_pills_overdose/?ref=rss

I'm on the same meds as her now. venlafaxine. I only have 5 tablets left
5x 75=375mg

she took 15g thats 15000 I have to find 14625mgs
fuckfuckfuck!
Id have to take 200 pills to die like she did.
:'(
if anyone reads this please comment me I need to distract myself from ODing tonight and tying a plastic bag over my head
Please I'm begging.
xx
Posted by at

19 comments:

  1. T6 November 2012 at 20:53

    I don't follow your blog, I just stumbled upon it, but you should know people are out there, and we care, you're not alone, stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 6 November 2012 at 21:02

    Hang on love please don't let go, please don't give up! I wish these words had more worth, I wish I could be with you right now <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Englishrose6 November 2012 at 21:23

      same i just want a cuddle n someone to tell me its gunna be ok :(
      im trying so hard to distract myself
      thank you for commenting
      xx

      Delete
    2. 6 November 2012 at 22:03

      Sorry I cannot be there, but it is going to be ok seriously. I know from experience, it is going to be ok even if it doesn't feel like it at this moment. I love and care about you dearest.
      "Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An Inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you.”

      Delete
    3. Englishrose6 November 2012 at 22:14

      this made me cry
      i was seriously in the middle of taking sleeping tablets i have my bottle of water n now 19 pills in front of me
      i cant think straight
      im a mess
      :(
      i just want this day to be over!

      i cant cope
      im so sorry
      love you xx

      Delete
    4. 6 November 2012 at 22:27

      Please don't, I'm not going to give up on you. This day, like every bad day, will end and tomorrow we can begin anew.
      http://youtu.be/TdN5GyTl8K0
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdN5GyTl8K0

      idk if these links will work, so just in case youtube jason mraz- I won't give up on us

      Delete
    5. 6 November 2012 at 23:36

      I know I am not much but please stay for at least me<3 xx

      Delete
    6. Englishrose7 November 2012 at 15:52

      hey im ok
      in a shit mood but im still here
      im sorry i was having such a shit day
      xx

      Delete
    7. 7 November 2012 at 18:00

      Don't be sorry it's ok to have them because we will.
      My thoughts and prays were for you all night/day. I am so thankful you are here.XX

      Delete
  3. JJ6 November 2012 at 23:37

    The day is almost over. You can do this. Please hang on.

    I've been following you for a while and only recently commented. My heart aches for you. I am a stranger from the internet, someone who has no connection to you at all, but for some reason I am desperate for you to live.

    I have a seven year old daughter. I pray for her future, knowing that I can do a million things for her now but in the end she's in control of her own life. She will make decisions about eating or not, taking drugs, having sex, cheating on tests, hanging with the wrong people or robbing banks. One day she may be exactly where you are right now and I hope to god that she is surrounded by supportive people who will show her how she's lived.

    Please choose to live.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Englishrose7 November 2012 at 15:55

      First of all thank u for commenting me and following me u really dont no how much it means to me that someone actually reads my blog n struggles <3
      i hope your daughter has lots of supportive people around her too
      thank you for being so lovely!
      much love
      xx

      Delete
  4. Rose7 November 2012 at 01:24

    Please don't kill yourself. I am so worried about you. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I wish that I could be there with you right now, maybe we could keep each other distracted from what we both want to do.
    I love you very much. You are stronger than you think. <3

    I wish I knew what else to say, but really all I can tell you is that I love you. Please stay alive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Englishrose7 November 2012 at 15:57

      i love you too thank you so much for the support and encouragement
      you are truly wonderful
      thankyou
      xx

      Delete
  5. S7 November 2012 at 06:01

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4MwwP5iAq4

    Please don't kill yourself =( <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. Melany7 November 2012 at 06:56

    You are loved, even if you can't feel it.

    I've fallen into that same dangerous state of mind before, and the world often seems as large as a cell... but it's much larger, and much more beautiful.

    To care so much for someone for so long and to be so deeply effected by that makes you such a valuable person to the world. We all need you here.

    Please throw out the pills... you can find the strength. She wouldn't want to have taken another life with her own.

    <3
    Melany

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Englishrose7 November 2012 at 16:01

      thankyou
      im sorry you were where i am now
      i hope i can see a beautiful place too one day
      much love
      xx

      Delete
  7. Ruby Tuesday7 November 2012 at 10:46

    My email is andthenshedisappeared@yahoo.ie

    Please take up my offer to contact me at anytime if you want to talk (or type, you know what I mean)

    You are hurting so much and I wish that I could help

    Know that you are stronger than you know
    Know that you are loved
    Know that I'm thinking of you today

    Let us know that you are ok x

    ReplyDelete

I told you to be patient and I told you to be kind...

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