my kind of love

I can't buy your love, don't even wanna try.
Sometimes the truth won't make you happy, so I'm not gonna lie.
But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

I know i'm far from perfect, nothin' like your entourage
I can't grant you any wishes, I won't promise you the stars.
But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

Cause when you've given up.
When no matter what you do it's never good enough.
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough,
Thats when you feel my kind of love.

And when you're crying out.
When you fall and then can't pick, you're heavy on the ground
When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around. 
That's when you feel my kind of love.

You won't see me at the parties, I guess I'm just no fun.
I won't be turning up the radio singing "Baby You're The One". 


But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

I know sometimes I get angry, and I say what i don't mean.
I know I keep my heart protected, far away from my sleeve.
But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you.

Cause when you've given up. 
When no matter what you do it's never good enough.
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough,
Thats when you feel my kind of love.

And when you're crying out.
When you fall and then can't pick, you're heavy on the ground
When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around. 
That's when you feel my kind of love.

Cause when you've given up. 
When no matter what you do it's never good enough.
When you never thought that it could ever get this tough,
Thats when you feel my kind of love.






love this song atm 


i really miss you
xx

young hearts run free...

tired princess

me and the niece :)
she is possibly the only reason i get up in the morning
the only reason why i dont shuffle back upstairs when i see the news at 6 o clock
i cant leave her and have my sister tell her not only did ur dad run to Australia ur auntie was selfish to kill herself...

Its been 15 years since my Grandma died today.
She was cremated and got an epitaph placed in a book that is shown on the anniversary each year.
I ended up working all day when my sis n mum went to look at the book.
On my way to work I saw a Hurst with the people just getting ready to get in the funeral cars and there was a reef saying "Nana" in the window. I pulled my earplugs out and I just wished the ground would of swallowed me up there and then. All the things I could have seen and I saw that.
After that I practically ran to work tears stinging my eyes I ran to the toilets and burst into tears.
I just held my head in my hand for 5mins sobbing.
I knew I had to pull myself together and do my shift but all the while thinking why the fuck am I here? I want to go to see my Grandma. I was only 4 I cant even remember her face. I just want to see her and stay with her to look after my mum.
Then my sis said to me when I came home "it was really busy in town everyone and their grandmother was there" I was like is that suppose to be funny?
What a stupid insensitive thing to say! ugh
Life's tough..

Lilies were her favourite flower. <3

R.I.P Grandma i love you so so much  I'm sorry I couldn't come today :'(xx

just because you're paranoid, doesnt mean they're not after you...

I'm depressed like wow beyond belief.
I'm so sad.
Why aren't these fucking drugs working?
FUCKINGHELLMOTHERFUCKING CUNT
please? thankyou
i want to die
i hate myself and want to die
i wish these tears would poison my skin cause me to go into a coma and die turn my life support machine off now please
fucking turn off the switch!

So I walked into the haze, and a million dirty ways,now I see you lying there, like a lie low losing air...

The Past
I went absent for a while. I just needed time alone with my own thoughts. I had a meltdown. I overdosed. Again. My mum found me lying on my bed crying when she got home. My cup was in the bathroom. Sick still in the toilet. "what have you done?!?!" she imediately said. I didnt answer. She just sat and watched me cry for a good half hour. I just kept repeating "I cant cope, I don't feel well". I lost my best friend. I lost my everything, my reason to live. Its been a struggle after that episode.
 Now

My tattoo

I've been on holiday for a week in spain gained a tonne literally! The weather was shit so no u cant see my tan and thousands of miles just made me pretend. I didnt know what to do with my blog hence why I shut it down. I got a few upsetting messages thats why I closed it down. But comments will be moderated now so please don't post abuse? You are a dick if u get off on making people so upset I did what I did. Also I'm making a new page for my new journal it will get updated regularly with my writings/quotes/drawings. I have 3 months til uni yet I cant see past 3 hours atm. I've had a taatoo! I decided to stop being a sissy pants and get one. I argued with the man like but he did it the way I wanted n I love it. Read Kurdt Cobains bio loved it such a beautiful book. He is definitely amazing.

Everything I need.  From bottom left, My journal, my therapy notes/trauma of hospital book,the bio, my few box of pills + empties, patricks texts my letters to him, my sunglasses and my deep hatred of christmas.

i love this his eyes have a beautiful mesmerising quality "in love"? i will love anyone  with blue eyes literally.

Im feeling more alone than ever. So i need my wall of arms please?
Watch me

Future
There is none. living each as my last. "I hate myself and want to die"
"There's no god above me
No devil below me
No purgatory, no pearly gates
The worms are what await me
It's only me that can forgive me and
I have faith, oh... I have faith
I have faith, oh... I have faith
In those who put up with me"