you should be stronger than me...

 

So I was a bit erratic on my last post last year. wow. I was a mess and it took a long time to rebuild the pieces that were left into some sort of human being I claimed to be. But here I am broken again. Floating my way back to the place I love the most the place where I can say the most poetic poison.

So my boss and I have been getting close as close as friends can be in a working relationship. talking about sex, about life, about the past, about the universe and how we work together. I kept saying to myself don't get close, don't get close he will leave just like every other fuck boy. He sent me rude pictures and I let him. The worse thing is he has a girlfriend and I've been that girl what the hell am I doing. It feels like I have feelings for him when I'm alone at night but when we're at work I feel repulsed even by the thought of him looking at me in a way that isn't professional. telling me about his gf and the arguments they have just makes me want to physically be sick. What do you do when you think you can't live without someone and you are stuck in this position where he will never leave another woman for me. How selfish am I for saying that. Idk. How can someone be so oxymoronic? He buys me presents, he says if things were different we would be together and he says the most sweetest things and yet here I am completely broken by the whirlwind of guilt and need for him to care for me. Truly care for me when right now he's on holiday with her.

Worst of all he's put me in a difficult position he promoted me as supervisor last year yet after he sent the pics he told me I was being made redundant and am forced to take a pay cut and lose my job I love. I just feel so used. How can I trust him or trust myself when we keep dancing with the devil and setting ourselves on fire.

You should be stronger than me
You've been here seven years longer than me
Don't you know you supposed to be the man?
Not pale in comparison to who you think I am
You always want to talk it through, I don't care
I always have to comfort you when I'm there
But that's what I need you to do, stroke my hair
'Cause I've forgotten all of young love's joy



ER
xx