Monday, 12 November 2012

Failure is at a price I can't afford...

45.8kgs
bmi 14.9
I don't ever wanna see 46 again.
I cant afford to eat. I've spent a grand of my student loan in a month. I don't get paid til January. I'm skint.
I'm restricting just on the fact I can't afford food atm. I don't want to spend any money until next month.
I will have to get diet coke. But even then I'm just drinking supermarket shit brand n it's disgusting.
But I cant stop thinking about restricting and eating as little as possible.
I just want to be as skinny as possible.
:(






we had to take pics in seminar today of each other I hated it but I know if I posed like a absolute twat I'd not have to stand in front of the camera for ages n it worked.
I hate myself.
I'm so fucking ugly.
I have no make up on and I look awful.
I have the docs tomorrow to get more pills that's £7.65 wasted on the prescription. No doubt it will be another antidepressant for me to try.
I hate fucking hate gps they just don't care. 
I feel so disgusting. I'm sat with my legs to my chest and the ripples of fat on my stomach is just gruesome.
:(
I hate myself and I want to die.

ER
xx

10 comments:

  1. You look fine at the weight you are at! you have lovely cheek bones is that weird to say..probably
    anyways if you don't mind how tall are you?
    take care love xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. you are so beautiful girl... are you kidding that you were wearing no make up??? Sounds like it was your ED voice talking inside of yourself, because as an outsider I think you look so skinny and beautiful!
    I'm also restricting pretty majorly at the moment. Diet lemonade is my choice of fill up. We can get through this dear. Keep fighting xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you but im far from it
      i dont wear make up coz im ugly whatever and its so much effort i can barely wash atm let alone applying makeup :(
      togetherxx
      much love
      xx

      Delete
  3. You are so tiny and your facial bones are gorgeous.

    And I hate how money always matters. There has to me more to life that dollars.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks i have incredibily long features
      :(
      yeh i wish i was rich ive struggled all my life with money
      if u ant got any ur screwed
      xx

      Delete
  4. OMG You're gorge!! I loveee the first pic! And your so small <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are very thin. And very pretty. Even if you weren't as thin as you are now you would still be beautiful.
    You look rather modelish in these, but also almost scary fragile. Please stop losing weight?
    Please try to see yourself the way others do. The mirrors lies worse than anyone. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you
      im battling with anorexia every day
      xx

      Delete

I told you to be patient and I told you to be kind...