Its not me its you...

If I could turn back time I would.
I would have never spoken to you, never poured my heart out to you, fell in love with you.
If I could undo the past 4 years I would.
I wouldn't despise myself so much that I think about suicide everyday now for as long as I can remember.
If I could only be that naive girl again and not make all those mistakes I would, not be the shy, boring person that I am today.
If I could undo your lies, you didn't love me and you never cared.
If only I wasn't so stupid.
If I could have beeen stronger.
If I could of smiled in my misery then maybe I wouldn't be depressed for every waking hour.
If only I slept without waiting for my fone to vibrate with your name flashing.
My heart wouldn't skip a beat everytime I read those 3 words.
Your poetic beauty your words embraced me, conforted me when nothing in my life was.
You made everything better my harsh, cruel, unforgiving world was nothing incomparison to our bubble.
I fucking loved you!
If only I didn't.
That girl would still be alive today and this hollow shell I live in wouldn't be crumbling to pieces.
Your not to blame. I am. I shouldn't have been that car crash. That clingy bitch you ignored time and time again.
Maybe it was you?
How could you fucking do that to me, ... to us. Our song, our relationship where you promised me the world, incuding the moons and stars.
It's always me that loves nothing recipricated.
As my cuts mutiply, as I fall deeper into this depression as my plots of suicde increase and this body becomes even more abused.
It's not you anymore it's me.