Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that, You're better now than ever, and your life's okay When it's not. No. You're doing all these things out of desperation....

I've no idea what the hell I'm doing. When I'm with people I feel ok I feel fine its just when darkness falls and I go into this horrible mood where I'm on my own and I feel so so down I can't think straight.
Last night I deleted all my bbm contacts. I can't face talking to anyone who doesn't understands and so they just ignore me and I get so frustrated. I need them. It's horrible being ignored I cant stand it. So I think I'm just gunna lay low for a while phone off and just hide. Can't do it I cant be all happy and cheery and stable when I'm falling apart. Literally so tired and exhausted I don't ever go to bed early here coz I know I will just be sat thinking and thinking. I had a dream again where I died. I woke up so scared idk why I should be happy. I want to die.
...
I got an email from Dan yesterday. I couldn't understand how he can think he can walk in and out of my life without me batting an eyelid. feel so used and hurt by him. He fucking left like everyone else and yet i told him everything n of course we sexted which I don't regret I don't think I just hate myself for it!
...
I'm getting my hair cut on Thursday can't wait but nothing I do can make me look better look hideous!
So fat and disgusting

.


All my pathetic love,
ER
xx