your holding in your hands to halves of my heart...

I need to talk to someone.

I cant talk to any of my "friends" coz they've all got other things to deal with and some r pissing me off tbf

so here i am

i dont really wanna talk about it but ill be up all night again if i dont

i want to talk to Dan but hes guna think im too needy and clingy so i need to fight the urge to text him tbh i wanna push him away so i dont get hurt

i feel suicidal

thats why i need to blog

i feel trapped again

i have this overwhelming saddness that is torture

i took 40mg today coz i somehow forgot yest i duno why

its made me feel grogy all day

im fed up

back to square one

i want to die again

the thoughts are so strong i cant cope

i want Dan to say come meet me next week

and i wanna go for us to just cuddle 

i want to feel loved

i know im mad and he doesnt love me but its so tempting wanting him to love me even when i dont love him like that

its fucked up

coz were just friends!

friends

friend

  

noun

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends ofthe Boston Symphony.

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.

a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.

( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society ofFriends; a Quaker.

Friends with benefits refers to an agreement between two people who are both friends and physically attracted to one another to share a sexual relationship. Neither party is considered committed to the other, and both can start dating someone else at any time with prior warning. A friends with benefits arrangement is not considered dating, a relationship or even casual dating by most people who use the term.

sigh what am I doing?

why cant life be fucking simple?

to top things off Adam contacted me the other day fucking cheek! i emailed him back as well like a dumb ass i am coz my heart skips a beat for him dumb bitch n he hasnt emailed back so i look like a twat ugh

kill me please?

I just need to sleep.

And sort my meds out monday morning.

And not to bother with people who dont give a shit.

Ha such a lovely plan for the week! 

bitch

ER

xx