the voices OH The voices...

I just need help right now.

I need to turn them down.

I just feel like my heads a jumble sale and none of the outfits go together.

Wow.

It's like I'm wearing one odd sock, I've got half a trouser on with a back-to-front top on with one earring on and one half of my face with one make up one way and the other half with another.

Does that paint a decent picture of how I'm feeling right now?

one minute I want one thing the next another and I'm just so irritated none of this is fitting together!

Humf.

I honestly just want to cry.

I know deep down I want recovery I know I do.

But I'm looking down at my bum and seeing stretch marks sitting happily next to cellulite seems like they've set up camp there together.

btw I'm being totally serious here

I feel so so repulsed by my body atm you have no idea

It's like I like curves but not on me. I like skinny. I like bones but I'll never get there again.

I'm just seriously stuck on what the hell I want.

I want to be recovered but still have the body of an anorexic if that makes sense?

No sorry that fucking doesn't make sense.

ugh

fuck fuck

*sigh*

Everyone is irritating me as well. My mum is doing everything to piss me off like this week I'm gunna be away. I'm going to a friends wedding for 4 days with my family going to make a break out of it, going to Brighton.

I'm gunna be a bridesmaid who wont be able to fit in their dress!

fuck

pt guy n Dan just don't go there I really don't know about either. I want space but at the same time I want them to just be nice to me just be there as friends.

But everything seems so complicated with both complete head fucks!

and I'm a slag that only thinks bwt one thing right?

Thank god I'm gunna be off work my manager said I should sit down because I was really ill.

I've been put on new pills mirtazapine and they keep making me spaced out, shaky and dizzy and at work I really did feel like I was gunna faint. keel over.

Wow massive rant there.

if anyone does read this and I mean if please can you answer the following...

what should I do about the head fucks?

shall I stop taking the acid-in-disguise-antidepressants?

how the fuck do I loose 4 kg in 4 days?

I need to get my shit together.

Fuck knows how when I've no friends to lean on.

So alone right now.

I've really thought about it these kinda moods are really dangerous for me. Like I no I'm on the edge of doing something scared the voices wont shut up and I do something.

Anyway sorry I'm so depressing like the most ever.

Sorry x a gazillion trillion I'm alive and a waste of oxygen.

I wish I was dead more than you wish I was.

I'm working on it.

I'm a fuck up.

ER

xx