Who do you think you are collecting your jar of hearts...

Sat here wondering how i actually got here.

Like actually here.

September is always difficult.

Its almost like winter depression is taking over me even more so than the other time of year with depression.Winter always seems to be the hardest.

You know?

It just brings back alot of memories.

My birthday.

My suicides.

Christmas.

New year.

I just feel this overwhelming saddness returning like a friend u cant get rid of.

An annoying one at that.

It's hard.

Unbelieveably so.

I'm scared ill be alone forever.

I'm scared no one will love me.

...

I did my account thankgod thats off my back.

Need to order my bedding in store.

I'm just waiting for a delivery for my computer equiptment.

I need to get in the bath and wash my hair to go to work but i cant until they come.

I feel so skanky :P lol

I love baths.

Met up with sarah yest we went for a walk it was nice.

To just talk without being falsely happy.

I'm glad i have that with someone.

She told me that ppl slit their wrists in the bath so the cut wont heal.

Tempting.

Very.

I feel like im running up to this big event.

Anticipation is the worst isnt it?

But i dont think i want to go.

I do but i dont.

I hate being alone.

I wont make any friends.

I'll just be the fat girl in the corner.

The mute again.

Ever feel like history is just repeating.

I wish i could be dead.

I wish

I wish

I wish

...