Therapy...

Maybe this post is guna be quite heavy/deep so those of a nervous disposition look away now :P aha
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So as the title suggests theapy was pretty umm soul searching yesterday. She made me go through my list of dietary rules and she made me list where they've come from. Every single one i've made up and tbh they have no relevance. I live by a set of solid 13 rules (there are more) but each and everyone is unachieveable and unsustainable. She kept repeating i set myself up to fail. Fasting, restcting living by these rules. No wonder i punish myself. They are important incredibily so. But why? Why are they so ridgid and control me every waking moment? Rules that i set, that i break, that i punish. I think im insane just talking about them. To another person reading them it must be like WTF?
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Another thing she said which made me like what am i doing? was that i need to change the rules in order to be happy. I cant be happy with the rules in place. She was like you can have the life, but the rules will be following you all the way down the M1 when i'm in lodon. Nothing is guna make me happy until i dont live by them. Its just guna be a continual depressive life. Until i allow a life free from rules. Free from the clutches of Anorexia Nervosa, Severe depression, Adjustment dissorder, OCD, and Borderline Personality disorder. 
xx