Alot has happened since that night. Bad stuff.
So the 6th Novemeber. This ones for you...
I posted my last entry right before I attempted suicide. I text Patrick, the guy I'm in love with, the person I bang on about in all my posts, what I was doing. Overdosing and drinking vodka. We spent 6 hours talking to each other. He pleaded with me to stop but I didn't. I overdosed. I just wanted to die. Right there with his voice the last sound. I was a mess. I kept passing out. Hearing his voice distant, ending up on the floor wondering how the fuck I got there. He said he loved me. That on the 19th he would ask me to be his gf. I couldn't have been more happy. Yet so so sad. He couldn't be there with me. I went to university the next day in a blur. On a massive head rush and tired as hell. Only to get back to the most devestating news...
He eneded it with me he told his parents and told a counsellor about me. That I was too stressful to him. I wasn't allowed to contact him anymore ever and that I should phone samaritans. I could of died then just from my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. It was less than 24hrs that he told me he loved me wanted me to be his and planning our future together. Right there he was leaving me again. Even more fragile. When I needed him the most he fucking left me. How could he do that???
The worst news was yet to come. A girl in the corridor above me actually killed herself the night I tried. she overdosed. But changed he mind rang for an ambulance but it was too late. It should have been me. I should be in a coffin right now not her. Im the one who is suppose to be dead. I want it she didin't. R.I.P Melanie.
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University is breaking me. I cant stay here I'll end up dead. I dont trust myself. I've got another stash ready...
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thankyou to everyones support. You guys are amazing. <3
All my love English Rose.
I'm so glad your not dead, i really thought you had gone...Pleas don't go, seriously, you mean a lot to a lot of people on here, we may not see you, but we can feel your pain, because we feel very similar. I have a stash too...it's like a comfort blanket if things get too much, i understand that, But it obviously wasn't your time to go that night, if it was, you wouldn't be here right now, and that boy is so so selfish!!! I can't believe he would do that... if you would like, i caould give you my msn? To talk if you need too and seeing as your in the UK, we could txt :)xx
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you're alright. When I saw that post, I was so scared and worried.
ReplyDeleteI know what it feels like to have your heart break into a million pieces because of a boy. Last year december I was so suicidal and depressed and a guy named Jason was there for me and kept me distracted. He flirted with me and made me feel special when there was no one to save me from my dark thoughts. He didn't know how bad I was emotionally but our conversations gave me hope and kept me sane. And then he moved away and stopped talking to me. On Saturday night, I got really drunk (like alcohol poisoning) and not only did he not check on me as I lay there sick, but he didn't even greet me that night. He didn't even care enough.
And your guy is an asshole for leaving you at a time you needed him the most. And so is my guy an asshole for just forgetting about me like that. But not matter how many times people tell me he is a jerk, my heart still hurts at how he just excluded me from his life. And I can't tell anyone how badly I'm hurting at the moment.
Sorry for posting my story.
I'm so glad you made it that night and I hope that you find a way to get through this.
No thanku for posting your story Ive only just found it which I sincerely apologise for idk how I missed but thankyou for commenting.
ReplyDeleteSomeone said to me once that anyone can hate u friends or family if they openly express it its not fine but u dont really care it isnt that whats making u sad but if i guy says or implies he hates you your life is over. And she was right i just want someone to care and love me properly. I want his love and attention. But maybe it wasnt right. But its hard and honey I feel ur pain alot. and were in in together
xx