Saturday, 11 August 2012
Friday, 10 August 2012
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
I cant stand how much I need you...
I've been avoiding writing on here.
Couple of reasons.
1. Images say what I cant atm.
2. whatever I say its wrong its not right I want to be more articulate.
3. I miss someone she knows who she is and she's ignoring me despite how many comments I leave. I know I deserve it but it just hurts god so far beyond that look I'm doing it again its so painful to see her struggle and not be able to reach her.
4. two people read this blog who shouldn't coz I'm gunna rant about them.
So yeah
wow
I cut Sunday.
I cant tell you how happy I am to relapse.
It felt amazing just to draw blood again.
Watch my arm erupt into red.
...
I haven't talked about the wedding I posted pics of Brighton it was a pretty hard and challenging trip needed my own space away from my family.
Getting pissed at them all the time.
I'm such a mardy cow.
It was lovely tho, the wedding except I felt like a spare part not knowing anyone being on my own and self conscious.
But I got through it and did my part for her except I bet she wishes I hadn't been there I just think were gunna fade away from each other.
The wedding was the one thing we could talk about and keep us together. :'(
...
I've got a room offer for uni I've got 5 days to pay a £250 deposit joys.
skint that's like all my wages gone now.
...
I'm going Southampton tomorrow to discuss with a disability advisor what support I need I've already got laptop and printer from last time see how it goes I think.
Then I'm suppose to be meeting umm lets call him C (pt guy) in London except we had another argument last and I don't feel like talking to him today.
I'm not talking to anyone atm except him.
Just no energy no joie de vevre
I've completely lost it.
...
oh I've got my first therapy session for like 3 weeks she said we would work on body image and I've gotta bring some photos in of me and people I aspire to be like. i.e thinspo
but i need to change my ink cartridges n I honestly don't no how how lame is that plus I cba.
 |
| THINSPO- I love her legs and she inspired me to get a aviator coat lol. She is beautiful |
 |
| THINSPO- wat can I say? Thigh gap is amazing! |
 |
| THINSPO- I love her long hair, her dress sense and her legs. |
 |
| ME- Huge thighs n massive hips. |
 |
| ME-thighs are huge. |
 |
| Me-my arms are really chunky now maybe a lot more than here this pic was a few months ago now, My thighs ofc , my hair isn't log enough, I have a huge nose, fat stomach and my arse is the size of a small country it could actually feed it for a week! |
I don't normally post thinspo its not helpful for recovery and is idealistic a lot of them are very ill individuals and we shouldn't be encouraging or celebrating a fatal illness.
That's a bit of a disclaimer lol sorry.
Anyways I have work at 1pm doing it for John coz he's lovely I can't resist his campness lol.
It's my birthday present to him.
ER
xx
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Saturday, 4 August 2012
I can feel your pain, I can feel your struggle...But everything so low, That you can drown in the puddle
I just want to be dead.
Die. Dead. Death
I know I should write about things. But I honestly don't want them to be spoken.
I know they want to be on my lips.
People I'm letting live rent free in my head.
They're causing chaos
and its all my fault.
Kill me and I kill them.
"If I've killed one man, I've killed two---
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year"
I just want to die.
I want to die.
I want that more than anything.
I didn't kill myself they did.
The cast is extended.
ofc.
I just want to die.
I want it to end.
I'm gunna cut tonight.
I want to start fasting again.
I want to feel numb.
I want nothing.
I cant do this any more.
I want to die.
ER
xx
Friday, 3 August 2012
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