FUCK FUCK FUCK
im at 47.8kgs
bollocks
i feel like crying

Every finish line is the beginning of a new race...

I've been working sooo much atm and all next week is guna be manic as im working for a new supermarket
thats just opening up in my village very scary muggings here has got to be sering customers on tills!.
Do they not get that im rubbish with customers and am the most depressing shy person going??
I hate having to be all smiley when all i wanna do is crawl into bed :(

...
Leeds tomorrow fuck have lost no weight all time high. Shes guna be like wtf are you doing here? You haven't got anorexia. Your fat. Stop wasting my time.!

"i am I am I AM"...

LOVE LoVe LOVE the sea side :)

HATE HATE HATE mY FAT BODY!!!
I am so so ashamed!

GoOd MoRniNg!!

NOT
BINGED last nite
..
3 chocolate digestives
2 custard creams
1 digestive biscuit
a breakaway
2 packets of doritos
2 slices of toast
FML
I was doing so well yest aswell until 6 ish then i just wanted food
This morning i woke up with the biggest love handles, my sides are so tender from all the globules of fat congregating there. Party on my hips!!!
...
I'm reading this book "50 ways to find a lover" its really funny the story is really down to earth i like it i've read half of it in a day or so.
...
Going to thee maternity ward tooday dunno wat to wear something to cover the rolls of fat on mi stomach.
FLOATY
:/
sorry for this totally uninteresting post im feeling like a total minger atm all i wanna do is fuck off over a cliff or something. I know im a total waste of space atm.

xx

I am the kid that no one cares about...

What an absolute boring boring day its been!
I have done nothing which is a recipie for a binge. First day in like a week i havent binged like eat chocolate biscuits,crisps and a million slices of bread although ive had 8 slices of bread today eeks
I am Fat realy fat like 7 and a half stone fat 103lbs ugh bmi 15.2 :'''(
i wanted to be at least 6 and a half by this tym FML
I really wanna fast til sun but i know when it comes to morning ill be like TOAST!!!
I think im actually addicted to white bread and toast makes me bloated sooo much :( FAT
another day of boredom. I need something to do. I tidied my desk which was full of shit from my childhood i was really sad back then full of hatred. I think it's inevitable i've turned out like this.
The OP app is getting near and im dreading it i dnt wanna b weighed :(
...

I really wanna look like her ^^^
Long hair thin legs cool style and beauiful.
xx

Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You (Official Video)

"Dont let your flaws define who you really are"...

I WIll NOT LET A MAN DEFINE ME!
I've been sad about Adam idk why its not like we were anything just umm... i want to feel loved i guess?
...
The fast is non existent !
I hate myself for continual binging idk why i cant stop so
I'm not guna to do a fast again until im in the zone im sick of the binge/fast cycle im stuck in and it never helps me anyway to loose weight i just gain it back as soon as i end the fast so i'm slowly restricting i know it will take me forever but i think i feel more in control that way. But i hope ppl r safe and do well on their fast :)
...
I've got a job wooh!!!!! hehe :D
I'm so surprised that i actually finally did it im guna be working at asda :) start on monday finally have some money to buy my university things with so i'm happy bwt that.
...
Idk whether anyone heard the news yest but it was about people as young as 5 having an ED which really pisses me off coz the "Oh they want to be size zero" card comes out and coz im a BEAT ambassador they wanted me to go on the media to talk bwt it but i was like delete email. Then me and my mum was watching the news and it was on and the person who is in charge of Beat relations was talking and he said that EDs are a serious mental illness and from then on my mum was like "so how do you feel being classed as seriously mentally ill" and questions like that i was like umm i've just accepted it i guess then the whole riverdale clinic came up. There was a time i would want her to understand but atm i just feel like i dont have an ED when i eat/ binge continuously i know tho like 60+ % of ppl with an ED are overweight but its hard to accept or acknowledge that i have an ED sometimes?
...
Thankyou for the comments on my last post. I self harm when im binging coz i have to punish /hurt myself that i need to do something to myself to gain control. I used to self harm because i was lonely/sad/depressed/angry now i just do it coz i've eaten. I dont know the right quantity or even when im full anymore all i know is food food food is always on my mind. My mum noticed my burn and she said plainly "Stop messing about!".
xx