we've only just begun...

I haven't wrote here in ages.

I just need to get a few things out.

*wipes away tears*

I dont know what im living for...

I feel numb like this isnt reality im not where i want to be.

I have no job

 no money

 i have rags for clothes

 my family dont give a shit

 im a hypocrite

IM FAT

IM UGLY

I want to die

Like sooo bad whats the point of living when its just gunna continue i feel like am a broken record saying the same things feeling the same shit feeling wearing the same clothes

i wanna get off this perverse merry go round

Where the fuck are u?

I need saving saving from myself

Can you have a personality transplant coz i need to sign up please?

I've just researched karen carpenter

she died of anorexia

im so fucked up that i envy that

i wish it wud take me instead of traping me toying with me dragging me to the brink only to fling me back for more

entangling me in this spider web of despair deceit and misery

SPIDERS= a symbol of poison

isnt it ironic that anorexia feeds off me just like a spider???

xx

last day pics

Im the one with the brown hair n stripey blue n white owl jumper.
Im fat ugly and disgusting i no :(
xx

Coldplay - Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

The manipulated living will do anything to save themselves from oblivion.

I had an amazing nite on tuesday it was everything i hoped it would be.

I met a guy called Adam.

He's gorgeous ive just texted him now asking for a drink but ive had no reply story of my fucking life!

I feel so shit rite now i have no job no money i cant even fucking get a job at Mc Donalds how fucking pathetic am i???

VERY

I'm totally on a downer. 47kgs and a bit.

 fat bitch

:'( :'(

xx

Feeling HOT HOT HOT!!

Its like 100 degrees outside!!!
I want a tan but i dont want to melt ma sen in the process lol.
Cant wait to go out tomorrow on the piss should be good guna get rat arsed!!! haha or utterly gazeeboed XD
-
48kgs again  i figured out i need to loose 2kgs a week so im 40kgs for michelles party on th 30th so by mon next week i shud b able to tell u im 46kgs hopefully eeks
---
seeing hayley tomorrow a person i wa in riverdale with (an ed clinic) shes happy now and had a baby she says shes guna sort me out haha in starbuks? nah im ok honest just like everyone else wanting to be thin and happy
---
summer seems to be dragging like i havent got a job/money im so bored and bored with my pathetic life!

:( *sigh*

xx

They buried the gold, your ancestry's sold and left



Just the residue


They buried the gold, your ancestry's sold and left


Just the mist of you



-------------------
Love foals <3
So today is interview day eeks!!!
Im really shitting it lol
---------
GOInG to fast today
some strange reason ive fucking put on a KG up to 49 WTF!!!! argh if i cud slice off all my fucking disgusing fat i would honestly.
-----------
Ive got to do for an assessment to get disabled student allowance on tue to see it i get any help at uni with all my disorders. Here goes...

• Anorexia
• Severe depression
• Adjustment disorder
• Obsessive complusive personality disorder
• Borderline personality disorder

Its ridiculus how many labels i have. I cant have PHD or something good can i. I just all them things reminding me how fucked up i am. I ope they can give me a mentor yet when im at uni i think im just guna use it as an excuse to starve myself  coz there is no one stopping me.
------
I wanna go out on tuesday student night to celebrate end of exams which should be good yet as always i have no money but in this instance i think im gunna blow it on getting absolutely sozzled hahahah i just need to let my hair down i think :D
---
Anyway gotta go for my interview i ope i dont say something stupid or something that usually happens oh and i cant wait for the UKs heatwave gunna get me a nice tan woop woop
much love
xx

Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine

I LOve this song!
well im back (oh no i hear u cry) haha
I did my exaams they went alreet not fantabidosy but just ok u no?
hope 4 Bs thats all im good for.
I binged my arse off well out my ass is the size of a house atm haha no its not funny! im not even joking u no
im starting to loose weight tho from 8 stone my all time high now im 48kgs i want to get to 6 stone 4 michelles bday party on the 30th july so this is the last beginning this time im guna stay low ready for uni
anorexia is already taken hold
my mum nearly made me cry on my first diet day back saying that ive done really well eating and doing my a levels but all that seems in the past even tho it isnt i just want to be thinner
thinner than my pregnant sister its painful seeing her everyday  she keeps saying why do u keeep looking at me im like im not but really im looking at her legs and how tiny she is even with a bump
...
enough with the weight its all consuming
been applying for jobs im going to an interview 2moz :) doubt ill get it
but i neeed a job!
...
Thanks to the 44 followers btw wow its amazing that u guys go to the trouble to follow thanku!!!!!
...
Finally ope u like the song and ive been keeping up with ur blogs on and off ive really missed them
much love
english rose
xx