Goodnight sweetheart...

It all started when I went to my first counselling appointment to have an assessment yesterday. She was a ever so softly spoken large Asian lady with a bowl of stones, cushions galore and soft lighting. Fill out those depression forms I swear I could tick them off with my eyes closed I've seen so fucking many. Don't you just hate it when they repeat themselves like when they say that's what they'll do why do they need to utter it twenty thousand times. She called the GP made me an "emergency appointment" I saw her half an hour late. Can't stand lateness, Strike one. She was like a PE teacher cheery when I was so gloomy it was totes inappropriate reaction, Strike two. She prescribed me sleeping pills 14 golden gateway pills they're like gold dust. But she reduced them down to 7 with my "track record" Strike three. Then booked me an appointment for today. To discuss being referred and chasing it up.

But today I've been busy so I had to miss it. I went to the hairdressers. If I booked online I got 50% off which is half of £70 yes for a consultant. Enter simon. Got two ear hole stretches skinny jeans round his thighs and sleeves. I felt like I was an inconvenience to him. I said a side fringe n what do I get the same as what I walked in with. I wanna ring up and complain tmoz I don't like at all. I didn't say any thing coz I was late for my train. Running to the station in the poring rain cursing myself I think I actually mouthed all the way there "I fucking hate my life" Where was I going? Birmingham for a charity event. Basically for me to engage with the community to say that its ok to talk about mental health. What I was letting myself in for. I swear it was like in single figures I was freezing. I manned the leaflets bit. I got someone talking about how he saw a spaceship and every minute detail about it.  I had a guy flash me his self harm too stunned with my mouth open he put his finger to his lips and walked off. I had a newspaper which said 99.5% of incapacity benefits are genuine yet this woman she had raised 5 kids and worked throughout saying she knows scroungers and its not fair on her. I was just like is there any point talking to such a narrow minded person? yes we have it hard but its just to pigeon hole everyone into benefit cheats is just wrong. Then this woman was like saying everyone who has mental illness should be segregated n put in hospital despite me saying its on a spectrum and it varies in seriousness she just wasn't having any of it. Kids nicking the free lollies. oh and this man straight out of prison comes up and says he hasn't eaten for 3 days has no heating money or electricity his mouth all swollen.
it was overwhelming draining and idk just proved to me that people are horrible and selfish. .

I plan on taking the seven tonight. maybe make myself a cocktail. Mix it up with some anti's I've got plenty now.
Sorry for being sarcastic bitch just what's the fucking point any more?

I'm just totally finished.
ER
xx