When i eat there are new emotions to contend with. When i eat eveything in my body starts working again like food is making everything restored again. The flood of emotion is immense. "i feel it all" I'm not ready, not willing, not able to confront these supressed emotions that i feel now ive been eating/binging for 3 days now. When i starve myself i feel numb my body shuts down my mind is starved of emotion. I've been feeling really out of control,tired, lethargic, depressed, overwhelmingly sad and hopeless. Today i cut. I am really ashamed but the feelings and thoughts just got too much. Farrah if u read this im sorry im a hypocrite ano i fucked up. I am back human. Tomorrow i want to be a zombie again repress all emotion and feel happy with myself to look in the mirror and see what i've been craving for the past 2 years instead of a bulging binging stomach repulsive and vile. I dont want the nightmares insomnia i dont want u, i need you i need you to fight the demons that taunt me at night make them dissapear please
Food=feelings=me=hate=life too hard
Tomorrow things go back the new goal is 6st before my jan exams
I am a fuck up.
xx
oh my i feel the EXACT same way... if i don't eat i'm just in a lovely haze of nothing-ness. if i eat more than i'm okay with/binge then i feel suicidal and my world comes crashing down because i just can't deal with all these horrible feelings.
ReplyDeleteand i also have the whole bloated stomach thing going on, it's disgusting but i didn't eat much today after bingeing yesterday so mine must be actual fat rather than bloat... i'm distraught :'(
take care girl xxx
im distraught its horrible :((
ReplyDeletei miss ur posts btw ope ur ok
xx
We All Slip Up Sometimes Hun. I Know Your Stronger Than This And,In Time, Things Will Be Better. Maby Not Right Away, But One Day Fo'Shoo. LoveYouLots, hope Your Okay D; Always Here For Chuuu</3xxoxoxox
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