Know I’ve done wrong, left your heart torn Is that what devils do?

I NEED TO KNOW NOW, KNOW NOW, CAN YOU LOVE ME AGAIN?...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfihYWRWRTQ


http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/dont-call-me-crazy-episode-3-review




















ER
XX

I give you everything you want everything you need...

I feel lonely. So so fucking lonely...

ER

xx

Day to night, Night to day...

I can't quite believe it has been a week since i wrote here. Not that it is a chore but it just seems everything just happens and I'm left with the pieces.
...
I've stopped talking to the guy I kinda rebounded with after mark we had a big argument as he said to me just cheer up and I was like if it was that easy don't you think i would of done it by now?! But yeah we ended whatever we had. Maybe I've broke his heart which I didn't intend to do it just was going 100 mph and I froze with the devastation of a car crash.
...
I'm moving from halls to my house tomorrow which is shit for two reasons. My sister is driving me 200+miles to uni who I haven't spoken to for years so it will be very awkward along with the stress of my house mates it makes me feel sick when I think about being there again.
...
I have so much uncertainty at work with how many hours I'll get. with my bosses swapping I cant survive on less hours.:(
...
I cried for the first time last night for a while. Normally I blink them back but they just streamed down my face and I think it hit me the severity of my lonlieness. I've lost the man I love. I don't have a best friend and I'm just so lost and trapped with my life. I just duno how to get thru the next 72hours.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p01b871m/Dont_Call_Me_Crazy_Episode_1/
this was incredibly triggering for me please don't watch if you are very vulnerable.








All my love,
ER
xx

Pretty girl, you should be smiling a girl like you should never look so blue...

I wish this hell would stop.
I don't even know where to start the weeks just merge into each other and they turn crapper as it goes on.
Sick of being at work and for it to just dissapear at the end of the month to pay rent on a house I'm not living in nor do I ever want to!
I'm just tired of being so depressed and sad. I just want to be happy however hard I try to smile at work I always get people saying smile or some idiotic comment I'm just like I'm trying so hard to mask my depression but obv not well enough.
Sick of fake friends. The people I'm living with, just people at uni in general I really don't like them.
Plus I found out my friends here are going on holiday and haven't even asked me. I don't get people how I'm not even an option to some people. How I don't matter?
...
I'm really scared at work things are guna go downhill as were guna get a new boss and a new colleague. Just too much change atm is just making me worry and panic. I hate change. Worst thing ever.
...
I always come to write a post with all this stuff in my head the build up from the last post and when I do write nothing comes out nothing comes out in the right way or the right order. I apologise if anyone reads this and thinks scrambled eggs.

All my love,
ER
xx

No matter what you do it's never good enough...

Sometimes I think I am being tested. Tested on how much shit I can put up with but sometimes I think I can't appreciate the good times if I don't acknowledge the good. But being at rock bottom for a few weeks has been excruciating to say the least. I've been talking to a guy. No where near what me and Mark supposedly had. I'm just kidding myself that I'll find someone better or the same as him. Family are riddled with debt and nothing ever not involves money. Sometimes I feel like running away and I mean really just withdrawing all my savings and starting a new but I can't. I feel the most trapped I've ever been I'm stuck in a circle of misery and I don't know whether it will make me or break me...


Yours,
ER
P.S don't even think you have any friends as they are backstabbing bitches
xx

I shouldn't fuck myself in the head with....stupid men...

This week has been incredibly tough from crying in the toilets at work to not being able to get him outta my head. I'm always finding myself remembering our first date. Our time together how good it was until everything went to shit. I just feel totally hopeless like I don't want to eat or sleep or function without him. Sad and pathetic I know. It just hurts like I never thought would be possible. It hurts so so bad. I just want to be happy without him wish I could erase all the memories I just cant face it. I'm trying so hard not to think and just be positive but its just so futile when the man you love doesn't give a shit about you...

It doesn't get easier...

A week on and I just feel this massive sense of absolute sadness. I just want him. No one but him. No one compares to him his looks his personality. Everything about him I love and I wish I could hate him and move on but I cant. I'm a fucking dick. Why do I do this to myself. I hate this. I feel so alone I just want him back :'(
xx