they'll forget your name soon, And won't nobody be to blame but yourself yeah...

Its your birthday tmorrow. Remember whens and we're soul mates? I don't even know you anymore. I'm broken coz your not here to fix me. ... Another slanging match on the phone. "very soon we'll get u an appointment" where've I heard that before... FUCK MY LIFE xx

Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name

I heard this this morning on the radio and it put me in such a gd mood. I mean fucking rage wat a TUNE!!!! Thanks fearne on radio 1 :) Then tbh it went down hill from there everything I planned to do went tits up just exhauseted me today. This is a shit post. I guess I just need to do something instead of lying in bed crying... I keep wanting to get thru my to do list but nothing is going to plan it is just making more shit when i try to sort it out...annoying much. I cba to talk to any1 or do anything. happy shit day tomorrow please kill me...

repulsive r us...



Save my FAT ARSE til the end ugh



I want you now I dont care how.....

I've been binging for almost over 2weeks. I need help before I seriously slit my wrists. I need help tonight. Just someone try not to let me cut then pour bleach over them..again. Just someone please? Please help me...

still dying with every breath I take...

I know this is blog saturation. But I know i just need to post right now. Not that anyone cares or reads this... I've had a shit 24 hours one minute im up the next I'm so depressed I cant even cope with the thoughts. I think I've successfully managed to push away someone who I love immensely. But doesn't love me back. Ive no Idea how I can cope without them. Just like I did with the rest. Ha Have I mentioned how lonely I am?? feel like I'm going round in circles I can never win never be happy just one piece of shit after another. Nothing to live for except the fear. the fear of ending it. Final. laying down standing waiting for the train is final. I'm not that strong enough yet I cant face another minute living like this. I've been binging I just want to feel something starving isnt working I just neeed food. I'm devouring everything biscuits big bags/multiple bags of crisps cakes, bread, ceareal bars, noodles everything I just need some comfort food is it atm. I think its that time of the month I feel like my insides are just guna explode out of me soon feel really bloated needless to say I want to absolutely shit my pants due to all this food i can just feel the fat clinging to my stomach its so so repulsive yet I cant stop. Its my body wanting my period to come lovely. UGH ... i just want to talk. To you to anyone. Dan was amazing last night. He made me smile even though I was going absoluetely mad. I'm so fucking crazy wat the fuck is wrong with me! I fucking love my best friend. i just dont know what to do. I'm so volatile vile vile mood. Thinking of switching my phone off and hiding it either that or chucking the fucker at the wall hoping that I hear it go off and its you making the effort... I'm sorry. xx

Brick by boring brick...



I love this!!!!!!



I dont like new blogger. i hate change. I fear it. Anyway paramore gold there love that song! Hmm so yeh where to start? I went back to school on wednesday for a presentation evening to collect a prize from my Alevels. It was the award for excellence in Economics :) and the sheffield Hallam student prize I think it was for getting over my predicted grades. the plaque is massive! no joke! i mite show u a pic? Anyway there was only about 20 students there out of a class of 350?lol The ones that turned up just ignored me i dnt care tho tbh. So I callected my award "here is *englishrose* 3 a levels 1 at A* an A and a B with an AS B and for extended project an A* she also wins the Economics prize and the sheffield hallam one as well. think i was only a couple who actually achieved A* and she spent the longest on me listing them all. i think that was the most proudest moment of my life the spotlights on me with lets say a little crowd knowing that i achieved that made me feel superior for once in my life not inferior. on paper i should be intellegent like a kind of genius? little did anyone know that I've been thru hell and back trying to be academic I had to fight for those grades when anorexia was dragging me under when i was self harming and ODing. School got me thru..now look at me...I'm reduced to this...I'm a shadow of that girl...i cant add up right...im so negative...i doubt myself and my abilities...am I the same person with all those letters??? ... I went to see the psychiatrist today DR Aldridge...he kept me waiting 20mins pet hate ugh he looked like Alan my therapist at Riverdale and spoke like him. hes much nicer than Dr Kelly. I spilled absolutely everything to him about the hallucinations everything I came out in tears. All he said was? I'll have to think about whats best?! yeh coz thats what the NHS pays for doesnt it? To let a fucking high risk patient go walking out when u've sat thru me fantasising about suicide for a good half hr to let me walk out with nothing? That appointment I've been waiting over a month for...It really is beyond belief. feel like Im screaming and no one can hear. i mean wow I have 100 followers? yet how do I feel like my blog is just unattainable? like no one cares not a single one outta 100 cares? idk if I shud b bothered like i no what the purpose of this blog is but...I guess I'm just incredibily lonely. I bough a top in topshop sale for £7 saying "you are born an original not to be copied" sourrounded by people with no one to talk to" lovee slogan tees! ... have you ever had a person who is ur rock and wish u had feelings for them? My friend Dan is AMAZING like seriously i love him to pieces. i just wish I could find a bf like him hes got a perfect personality. i just wish i was attracted to him. I mean theres nothing wrong with him hes good looking but i dont feel anything for him lookswise but I really wish I did. ... So yeh after today i feel really suicidal like theres no hope no one nothing to save me sooo tempted to lie on the tracks tomorrow. I'm breaking a promise? but where are u fucking now..when I need u? i was there for u... ... I'm working all earlies next week fuckk ... think I'm gunna go mad tomorrow I feel it. I need help. xx

come as you are, as you were as i want you to be, as a friend as a friend...

This is one of my best friends. She is the most amazing strong person I've ever known. At such a young age she was struck with really severe depression. Please watch this. It is so beautiful just like the author. I love you so so much honey. Please never give up!

hope everyones ok
keep strong
especially you
xx